overwhelmed...

overwhelmed.....

i looked up the meaning in the dictionary and this is what it said:

To surge over and submerge; engulf: waves overwhelming the rocky shoreline.

To defeat completely and decisively: 

To affect deeply in mind or emotion: 

To present with an excessive amount: 

I think the last two meanings hit the nail on the head for describing how I feel or have felt this year.  

Overwhelmed.  

I know life is not supposed to be easy.  I know it's filled with lots of ups and downs.  However, it just seems this year I have had my share of lots of downs, way downs,  way way downs.  Sprinkled with ups.  

I know I have a lot to be grateful for this year.  I really do try to see the positive in most things.  And I have do believe that it's normal to feel this overwhelmed.  We all feel overwhelmed at times. 

I'm overwhelmed emotionally.  I would consider myself a very happy, joyful, loving, compassionate, and passionate person.  I love deeply.  So, I guess it's expected that when my head and heart have had some tough blows I feel overwhelmed.  I feel like at any moment I could cry and I do.....  And I have been crying a lot lately.  I can't remember a time when I ever cried this much.  And, I am tired of crying.  I am overwhelemd by emotion.

I am ready to feel joy.  Pure joy.  Only joy.  Happy heart joy.  Smile inducing joy. Uninterrupted joy!   

I have been on a yo yo of emotions this year.  Up down, up down.  I am ready to cut the cord.  I don't want to feel down anymore (well, at least for awhile anyway).  

I am overwhelmed....